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Coptic Orthodox Marriage Series - Talk 3

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"Decision Making Lecture"

Coptic Orthodox Marriage Series - Talk 3 Transcription

 This is our second session. For today, we will have some from the last session, and today's.

This session today, might lead to a lot of arguments. Unfortunately, I don't accept rotten eggs, I don't admit tomatoes...

AUDIENCE:

How about flowers?

AUDIENCE:

Flowers yea? How about that?

 

SPEAKER:

I hope so, by the end :-)

 

Unfortunately, (I am sure), I am going to get these tomatoes and rotten eggs from men, not from women, because we as men we will discover what God has charged us to do, and we will wish that we were born women. You will know that (Clapping, probably from ladies).

You will see, blessed are the women, because they were born women.

 

AUDIENCE:

Thank you!

 

SPEAKER:

This session is about leadership and submission. That's what the title implies, but it includes much more than that.

God willing, we are going to discuss the role of the male and the female in the Christian family, whether traditional or non-traditional.

The results of is industrialization, and how it affects the family: women going to work, like career women, and we will discuss certain terms, then we will read so many passages from the epistles of St. Paul, and then... we will discuss certain terms: what is less important I will omit, but I will go into what is meant by leadership, according to what we are going to read in The Bible, and what was meant by submission, and the interaction between the two in the family, and finally, I will discuss decision making in the family.

I will start by: the types of families.

The traditional role of the man, and the traditional role of the woman in the family. Traditional means, at the time of the Agricultural society: the farming society, which was before the fifties, in the US. Before that time, in the US, and everywhere, the man was a so-called the head of the family. I will discuss now what was meant by head. I will discussed who is supposedly the real head of the family.

The head, provider, husband, father, no housework! This is the traditional role of the male in the traditional family.

The role of the female in the traditional family: she was the wife, the mother and the housewife. So, she is the wife for her husband, the mother of her children, and she is responsible for the housework, whether she does it herself, or recruits somebody to do it. The man is not involved at all in any kind of housework, however, he is involved in raising the children through her. You can see that in some of the old shows on TV: "Little house in the prairie" for example, or in some old Egyptian plays, some old movies. I can remember my grandparents. My parents were like that, because my mother was not working. I can remember the time when the mother was staying at home all the time, and she was not frustrated. She has education, a University degree, but she is not working. Even in the US here, the housewife is one of the careers that you can find in the computer! Housewife! There are forty thousand careers, and one of them is Housewife. But, she did not feel frustrated at all, in the older days. She was very comfortable, and still today, some women still find it comfortable, if they are economically and financially satisfied, while staying at home, taking care of the house, and raising the children.

 

Children used to go to mom. When they get home, mom is there, waiting for dad to come. When he gets home, the children often would disappear, they would go somewhere, to keep the quietness of the house, and his wife will help him to change, and get ready for the dinner.

When the dinner, he and she only (would be sitting around the table)... actually, he would eat, and she takes care of him. These are dreams (times have changed). Men, don't you start fantasizing now! Of course, when he comes, he expects that the house is smelling good food, and it is so quiet, and no sounds, and any annoying noises from the children, no one knows where they are, but mom makes sure that, for the sake of dad, everybody shuts up, till he takes a deep breath, and recoils, and relaxes, and after that, if, and only if he allows and permits, he will go and sit with the children. Dad is the head! Whatever he wants goes, out of respect between the two, not out of authoritarianism, not, but out of respect. The wife respects the needs of her husband, and he respects her needs, when they are alone in their bedroom, not in front of the kids. He respects her a lot, in front of the kids. He takes her opinion. She is the mother of the house, the queen of the house, the queen of the kitchen and the queen of the whole house, and everybody "goes to death" through her.

This is the traditional family.

 

If it is a Christian traditional family, the man knows that he is under Christ. Christ is the real head. The man works to get food on the table, but the one who gives him to provide, is Jesus Christ. He knows that. He leads his house spiritually, because he knows that it is his responsibility. The wife respects his leadership whether spiritual, or in the house. She is never a slave, because without her, he cannot function at all! She is everything in the house. She is the spirit of the family. He is working, and she takes care of everything else. He sets the rules together with her, and she implements the rules in the house. After he finishes his dinner, he can ask his children, how was school, what happened, and they would come and kiss the hand of dad. They kiss his hand. After they kissed his, hand, they could come and sit on his lap. Give hugs and kisses, but kiss on the hand of dad, this was traditional, it was customary. It was allowed. (Speaking in Arabic). They know what was meant by kissing the hand of mom and dad. And if mom doesn't want, for dad it is a must! And out of respect and out of fear, this is the way of the tradition family.

They could read the Bible, and dad was the one to interpret it. His presence is known, he is the man, he is the leader.

The emotional needs of the wife were minimal compared to now. She is very happy, whether he will offer her some affection or not. Her needs, emotionally are minimal. She is satisfied. The general mood of the wife in the traditional family is, she is satisfied with whatever God will give her.

He will give her money, and she is the one who controls the budget, takes care of distributing the budget in the different areas. He just provides, and she distributes.

 

Anybody could relate to what I am saying? it is so easy for someone my age to relate to that. Women at that time, wives, could really budget. They could live on the minimum, and ... they know how to do a lot of things, to save, and life would go on, and so many blessings. She could have ten children, and she was not complaining, and all of them children know she is mom, and could go to her, or they could go directly to dad, if he would allow them to come.

The older children would help the younger ones. The older children could work like another dad, but with full respect to their father, their dad. And if dad departs, mom would be the captain for the family. She would be the leader, but the one who would represent the family, would be the older brother, and he would take care of his younger siblings, financially. Providing is from the dad, or the one who comes after him: the senior brother, the older brother. This system is still going on till now, whether in upper Egypt, in Africa, or some countries in Asia, it is the same system. And everybody respects the system. In farming, sometimes the wife goes to the farm to help, but she returns after a few hours, to take care of the house.

 

Now, with industrialization, some women left home to work, and this is a big great change. Women now became... the role of the man, in the non traditional family, and after that, you could choose your family as you like! You can live traditionally, or non-traditionally, but don't ask from the two! Don't ask for advantages here based on the traditional, when you really don't want to live traditionally, because each one has its own system.

The man is still the leader, the wife is the co-leader. The man is the provide, and she is a provider too. Husband, and she is a wife, father, and she is a mother. Both of them are involved in the housework, but each one has his own areas, and each are responsible of their own areas, whether they will do them themselves, or assign somebody else to do it.

Some maintenance work: plumbing, electricity, maintenance for the car... are the responsibilities of the man, or the one that he assigns to do it. But the man could wash the dishes, and can be involved in cooking ...

The wife could be working, and the man not. She is the only provider. Ff this is a Christian family, they will look to the money issue as a community property: God giving the money to the whole family. It doesn't matter, whether through him or through her. Both of them are involved.

Nothing wrong, nothing shameful, if the man stays in the morning, and his wife, working a later shift. Say, if he is working night shift, and he comes early morning. When he wakes up, he will cook! Nothing wrong with that! Or prepare the food the (wife) to come and finish it. Both of them cooperate for the housework.

In the traditional family, it was shameful for a man to wash the dishes. His mother would tell him, "Don't, or you won't be a man! This is the woman's work!" But now, everybody is doing it, unless you want to be traditional man, while thinking the benefits of a non-traditional woman. And it happens! Which means, she could work outside the house with you, but inside the house she is the one who works, because for a man it is shameful to (do housework).

Do this, and you will be looking for trouble1

If the man is living in the non-traditional family, and expects what is in the traditional family, he comes, and it is quiet, children are not screaming, food is ready, his wife waiting for him, he comes one half an hour after her, but she is waiting for him at the door, well, this man is dreaming of course! And this could be a source of trouble!

So, we have to know which family system we want to be in. But Christ is the head of both family systems, and both of them have to submit to his headship. He will delegate the man to do something, and the woman to do something else, but the spiritual leader in either, is supposed to be the man. But if he will not take charge of his responsibilities, the co-leader will step in, which is the woman, the mom! Because someone must take care of the spirituality. But the woman does not teach the man spirituality. Whether traditional or non-traditional, because he doesn't accept, or it doesn't benefit him. The Bible is so clear in that, and you will see it. And in counseling, we know it doesn't work.

 

The system of marriage, either one of two, you choose between them: Utilitarian marriage, or intrinsic marriage.

Utilitarian means, utilities. Not focused on marital relationship, but on parenting issues, raising the kids, taking care of the bills, working outside the house, the less thing to think of is our marital relationship. Companionship and intimacy.

Intrinsic relationship: The high priority in their life is companionship and intimacy between the two spouses, plus what they are doing in raising the children, and taking care of the household. And you have to focus about what system you want in your marriage. Do you want a traditional, or non-traditional family, but the marriage could be utilitarian or intrinsic.

Now, I will ask you, most of your marriages, are they utilitarian, or intrinsic?

What do you think? Most of the marriages, are they number one or number two? What do you think the majority are?

 

AUDIENCE:

One (from a child)

 

SPEAKER:

The majority, I say. I am not talking about your personal marriage. You know, if the majority are two, Abouna, he will not visit anybody. No problems in the houses here. Everybody would be so happy! Then we know our defects. Our marriages are focused on utilities, and I regard raising children a utility, because it is outside the real marital relationship. If I make my children a priority, over utilities the priority over my intrinsic relationship with my spouse, then it is utilitarian marriage, and I would expect trouble. I expect withering in the marital relationship, which we are going to discover later on, in the life.

 

We will start now to read, we will read form I Corinthians chapter eleven. What was meant by headship. Is the man higher than the woman, or the woman higher than the man? What is the real relationship supposed to be between the two?

 

This is I Corinthians 11:3,7,11,12. After that we will read from Ephesians 5:21-33.

This part is so important: you have twenty-one verses, not from twenty-two. Then Colossians 3: 18,19 then I Peter 3:1-4,7. Just to compare, what was said to the women, and the men.      

 

I Corinthians 11:3 "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God".

 

What do you think? "I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman or the wife, is the man, and the head of Christ is God". Isn't it? Three parts of the same verse.

We believe in the Trinity. But we do not believe in the superiority supremacy of the one (...) over another. Correct? The three are one! So, the head of Christ is God. Actually, it explains, it (...) in the mind of some of you, what is meant by head. The head of man is Christ, the head of the woman is man, the head of Christ is God. Any explanation? There is equality between God, the Son and the Father. The only begotten son, we know it. Man out of Christ, out of God, we understand that. Woman out of man, we understand that, but what was meant by head? And I give you the lead to think now. What was meant by the word head here? Does it mean superiority? Supremacy? Something less or higher, or just out of? Think of it! If the woman is out of the man, and this will be explained later on, in the verse eleven and twelve, but think of it, because many of you think in a distorted way about what was meant by the word "head".

I will keep it, and they will continue reading now.

 

 READER:

I will read from the same chapter, from verse seven. I says:

"For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but the woman is the glory of man".

Eleven and Twelve:

"Nevertheless, neither is the man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man in the Lord, for as woman comes from man, even so, man also comes through woman, but all things are from God".

 

SPEAKER:

Thank you.

Do you understand the whole picture now?

Although the woman came from man, the man through the woman, became one, became complete in God. She came out of him, but he without her is missing, and neither one of them is independent, neither of them is higher than the other, in the eyes of God.

(Speaking in Arabic). What was meant by that?

I have talked about married couple. Without my wife, to God, I am missing (something). Even her without me, she is missing someone important.

 

Everybody could live independently, but in the eyes of God, we are one. I wonder if one of you, if his wife, or her husband, could be away, and you are not missing one another. Sometimes, in the same house, separate from one another and of course you are not missing one another...

The woman is out of the man, but the man is through the woman... in the eyes of God.

 

So, what was meant by headship? At least, I have to know, Christ to God, there is no supremacy. No superiority. No one is number one, and the other number two. It is clear, in verse three, verse eleven and twelve.

 

So, what was meant by "Men will show the Glory of God, and woman is of the glory of man"?

Just remember, from whom we were taken. I am showing the glory of God, because I was taken from God, which means, I could (...) the glory of God, because of my behavior. I am responsible before God, and God treat me as a man, that I am responsible for my household. Because the woman was taken from me, so I am responsible, as we are going to see from other chapters.

The woman is glory of man. If the man is showing Christ, of course, the woman will show Christ. Because, he will reflect Christ from her, and she is the mirror of man, he will see Christ in her. He will see himself in her. She will show him the glory she is supposed to show her. If the woman is a good mirror, without words, the man will see himself in that mirror. Is it a fogy mirror, which means nervous, anxiety, agitation, she will not be able to reflect to man without words, what he is doing. Every man needs a good, and clear mirror, to see what he is doing. Because we will see later, in 1.Peter 3 that the woman, God created her to have a very special gift, which is calmness. Quietness. Gentleness. This is the spirit of gentleness and calmness, which is so precious to the eyes of God, which will keep the mirror clear.

Any woman, is she would change her spirit for any reason, she will not be able to reflect to the man what he is doing, because he will be so confused and perplexed, because it is against what the Bible says.

 

We will now go to Ephesians 5, which the church reads in our wedding ceremonies, but we will start reading from verse 22, and this is the reason of all the perplex and confusion. Although all the other Orthodox churches reads in the same wedding ceremony, starting from verse 21 to make it easy for everybody to understand. And I recommended that to (...), and of course he knows, he told me he will take it to the holy Synod, because it explains a lot, about what we want to say, about the meaning of this verse. So, be careful of verse twenty-one of Ephesians five, because it explains what is coming after that:

 

READER:

"Submitting to one another in the fear of God"

Verse 21

"Wife submit to your own husband as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, as the Christ also is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he may sanctify, and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word, that he may present her to himself a glorious church, not having spots or wrinkle, or any stains, by that she will be holly and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes, and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones.

For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery. But I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular, so love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

 

SPEAKER:

Thank you.

Did you watch over the last verse, that the man loves his wife, and the woman respects her husband? This is exactly the meaning of submission. Submit one to another in the fear of God, which means, both of you, respect one another, because you are in the presence of God, who is in the marriage.

Don't act like children, you are adults, respect one another, because your Lord and Savior is in front of you. Live in His fear, respecting Him, revering Him, because submission is respect.

Why did God, who knows that it is a two-way street, in the relationship, both respect and love, it is between both. I mean, the man will love and respect, and the woman, respect and love, but why did he say to the woman respect, and why did he say to the man love?

Because, God the creator, our Christ knows our nature, he knows our nature. he knows our differences of course, He is our Creator! He knows if the man is not respected in his home, he will feel so bad, if the woman is not loved in the relationship, she will feel so bad. It is the beginning, If the man will feel disrespected, he will go further, more than feeling bad, he will be nervous, depressed and he could be shattered to pieces, if he feels so disrespected.

The woman, if she feels like she is not loved, she will weather, she will be nervous, and she can attack.

So, God knows our nature. Everybody is expecting to be respected and loved, but in particular, we cannot change the mystery of God, because He said it in three different books of the Bible. Love and submission, Submission and Love. Respect and Love.

When He says the same fact repeated more than one time in the Bible, with the same words, it means it is so important, and God means it. And it goes with secular psychology, We know that as a fact. If the wife feels that she is not number one in the heart of her husband, she will start to weather.

And of course, if you would suspend her role, she would feel bad! If the man loses his job, he will be so disturbed. If the woman loses her job, but her family is good, she will not feel that disturbed. I am talking about the average man and woman. The  "normal" man and woman. Not the chauvinistic, not the feminist. Not the androgynous women, not the weak men. I am talking about normal in their behavior, with their gender characters, as God made them. Because there are a lot of changes nowadays!

 

Because the woman values the stability of her family, she works to provide. Destroy the family, and the woman feels so bad, more than the man, and she can be (destroyed=heartbroken), even though the man also loves his family as well. The instance where the man will depress faster, is if he loses his job, or if he doesn't function well in his job. Usually women come first to the priest, telling him, "I feel something going wrong in my family". She is so sensitive to the wellbeing of the family, even though both of them work, and provide for the household.

So, God charged the woman mainly to respect her husband, and not point out his weakness in a graphic. Do not point toward his weaknesses, because the man could crumble, and be crushed easily.

If you really want to destroy your husband, then you know the secret: Disrespect him! Go against God and do exactly what Satan wants you to do!

If you want to destroy your woman, show her that you don't love her anymore, that she is nothing to you! Yes, you will achieve what you want, but you will go against God, and against what God wants from you.

 

Unfortunately, for us men, it is only the love that we are responsible for. There are too many responsibilities mentioned in that chapter:

The man is spiritually responsible about his wife, to be a vessel without blemish before God, by goodness. The man is responsible to be a clean vessel, holy vessel without blemish.

Who could take that responsibility? If my wife says I am responsible before God: Yes! Because I did not show her Christ, the glory of Christ. That is why, when we pray at night, we give a report about our wives, our sons, our children. "God please forgive me, because my son did this and this, my wife did this and this", and I cannot decline my responsibility, because He told me, "You are responsible, or else you will not be an (...)".

The man is responsible for nourishing and cherishing his wife, as Christ does the church. (Arabic).

 

"Love your wife: men love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself..." (More Arabic)

 

I am supposed to love my wife as the Christ loved the church: the same way, and give myself for her, as Christ did the church! I have to sacrifice myself completely! And if she commits a sin, I am responsible for that before God, and I have to nourish her, and cherish her feelings too!

This is the man! This is supposed to be the spirit of the man!

 

And, unfortunately, God continued... I want Abuna to read verse seven, seven of our first Peter three, to complete the picture, then I will continue with what I have to say:

 

ABUNA:

I Peter 7:7

 "Husbands, likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together  that your prayers may not be hindered".

 

SPEAKER:

This verse is very hard for the man! If I don't honor my vessel... The word "weak vessels" does not mean that they are weak! Women outlive men! Who lives longer? The women of course!

So, in what way are they weak? He means "weak vessel", like, you know the China vessel? A vase made of very precious Chine material? The thinner the material, the more expensive the vessel will be. Correct? The thicker the material, the cheaper will the vessel be.

 

If you have a rare Chine vessel, you keep it in a place where... and it is so thing! So precious! If I don't honor that vessel, my prayers are not going to be accepted! My prayers are not going to be accepted if I don't honor my vessel as something precious!

 

Who wants to be a man? Who wants to take the responsibility of a man? And women are crying because St. Paul told them "Please, submit and respect"!

He said the same: verse 21"Submit one to another", which means, humble yourself, and respect one another, because you are in the presence of your so-called God, your Lord! (Arabic). 

Respect one another because God is looking over you. And He told the man, submit too! He told the woman submit, but He added to the man, so many responsibilities!

Every time I deal with this subject, I ask myself "Why? Why did He create me a man?"

What is meant by that subject?

And we are members of Christ, out of his bones and his flesh. And  when we  realize that "Therefore the man shall leave his father and mother". It has a meaning. If we realize that both of us are part of the Christ... and in Genesis he says, "She is part of me! Bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh..." The verses directly after that, in Genesis 2, and Ephesians...

Marriage cannot be established unless we feel that we are part of the Christ, and she is part of you! Based on that, the man will start marrying, will start leaving, cleaving and united.

But if the man doesn't feel that, going in marriage is wrong, as Genesis 2 was saying, and here, Ephesians 5.

 

We will read two verses very similar to Ephesians; Colossians 3, and then we will go to I Peter... By the way, I Peter 3, the four first verses, is called "the Gospel of Femininity". If you want to be feminine, then read I Peter 3:1-4. It is called the Gospel of femininity!

Let's read Colossians, then I Peter 2:

 

READER:

"Wives, submit to your own husbands as it is fitting in The Lord. Husbands love your wives, and do not be bitter toward them".

 

SPEAKER:

What is meant by And what is meant by "Wives, submit to your own husbands as it is fitting in The Lord"? It means; if he will ask you to do something that is not fitting in The Lord, then don't do it!

And what is meant by "Husbands love your wives, and do not be bitter toward them"? Don't bitter their lives, don't... Make them feel better (Arabic). Don't be cruel, don't act cruelly toward them.... I see discrimination in there! ... He gives to women more rights: Yeah, He says to the woman, "Okay, but If he tells you something that is not fitting to me, don't respect it".

Love her, and don't make her life bitter. Is that compassion from God toward women? Does He feel that the men could endure more? I don't know, but it goes in the same direction... with the same flow.

The area of the man is to love, and the woman, to respect. We'll do it a two-way street.

 

READER:

I Peter 3:1-4

"Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without words, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

Do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel, rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, within uncorrupted beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the eyes of God".

 

SPEAKER:

 So many basic facts are in these four verses.

The first verse is; if you have a husband who do not obey the word of God; what to do? How to win him to Christ, if this is your goal? He does not obey the word of God; he doesn't come to church; he is not a believer; How do you win him to Christ?

You can win him to Christ without one single word, through your chaste conduct. Everybody observes the chaste conduct of women, the chaste conduct with fear and reference to God. If she has a chaste conduct, all men observe that with reverence to God, because the vessel is so precious in obeying the command of God. A chaste conduct. A controlled conduct.

So, a woman (may not be able to) win her husband to Christ by teachings, with words. But she can win him to Christ by her conduct, without a word; without a single word.

 

Fact number two: Chaste conduct is so important. Everyone is looking for that kind of woman, for their house. In reverence of God.

 

Fact number three: Outer adornment is not as precious as inner adornment. Outer: the hair, the jewelry, the clothes, although it is needed, but the one that is precious in the eyes of God, is the incorruptible adornment, is a gentle and a quiet spirit.

If a woman looses (verse four), she loses everything. If a woman looses the gentle and quiet spirit which is incorruptible and so precious in the eyes of God, she loses her femininity. Outer adornment (Arabic).

You can't compare the outer with the inner. So, men, if you are focusing on the outer, you are mistaken! And women, if you are focused on the outer, you are mistaken too. This is not the real Gospel.

How to win your husband to Christ? Verse one: How we could revere in God, verse two, and verse three and four of that Epistle, will tell you what is more precious and how to be a real feminine .

 

Think of the virgin Mary: the quiet and gentle spirit. It is so clear!

If you woman have something which is troubling you and you get out of that precious adornment, be careful, because you are losing  the spirit (that is) set already inside you. God set a spirit inside you; Please don't disturb it, because by disturbing it, you will not be the mirror through which will show the man his mistakes. If you keep your gentle and quiet spirit, without a word, he will see his behavior, and the effect of his behavior on you.

A message for ever woman.

 

For the man, verse seven: Your prayers are not going to be accepted, if you don't honor your precious vessel.

 

These verses are (...) to explain the whole dialogue. There is no (...), no discussion could be any clearer!

 

Now, what are the characters of a Christian leader? The woman is a co-leader. If the man is not giving sufficient leadership, especially in the spiritual area, then she has to do it, for the sake of the household and the children, but  without teaching the man. Children yes.

 

The Christian leader has to have the following characters:

 

Number one: He cannot be an authoritarian, because God is not authoritarian. Controlling: "What I say must, you must do! What I say must be done!" This is authoritarianism, and not God!  

But the Christian leader must be authoritative! He must know how to delegate, how to communicate, how to understand the members of his household; his wife and his children. Authoritative, not authoritarian.

If the woman was charged with one "S", which is "Submit", the man was charged, as we are going to see, with five (good) "S"!

The Christian leader must be submissive, sensitive, he must be sacrificial, spiritual and a servant. (repeat). This is a Christian leader!

 

Who does these characters fit? Jesus Christ! Authoritative, yet humble. Of course he was, spiritual, sacrificial, sensitive, and servant. Did he serve? Did he come to serve or to be served? He came to serve! And what is the best example of serving his disciples? Jean 13. What did he do? He washed the feet!

You can not be a servant, unless you know what it means to wash the feet!

 

But what means to be sensitive?

Submissive, we said; to be humble and respectful, but what does it mean to be sensitive?

 

I mentioned the brain and the heart, and now, for fifteen years I have been repeating that. Anybody that understands the human anatomy and biology, could answer that question; What is more important for the body; the brain or the heart?

 

AUDIENCE:

Both!

 

SPEAKER:

They are equal in value. Both are important. Could the brain survive without the heart, or the heart without the brain? No. Is the brain higher in level, in authority than the heart? "Ok, I am not going to give you blood supply, what now?"

If the heart would say "I am the life, and the blood, so I am not going to give you any supply, so what are you going to do?"

So, what is meant by sensitive? I am going to give you a fact which may be shocking to you; The brain senses any little touch, even to the nail of the little toe. If you touch a hair, it will feel, and give the response, like "Move your foot now, for the danger is coming". He is so sensitive to all the parts of the body.

However, if you get a knife and cuts through the brain, it won't feel!

The brain does not feel for himself! But he feels for every inch of the body! Is it clear now what I want to say?

If you want to be the brain, if you want to be the head, you don't feel for yourself. Feel for all the other members before you. Put them ahead of you. Feel for yourself; feel for your children. Feel for your spouse. Don't feel for yourself.

However, the problem is, we feel so much for ourselves.

If we feel (too much) for ourselves, it is a disease. It is called Low self-esteem or Depression.

Ideologically, the brain feels for every part, and protects every part. This is the brain! Sensitive! Of course, sacrificing as Christ, as mentioned in Ephesians: Love your wife as the Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

 

Spiritual; you are the spiritual leader. Your prayers are not going to be accepted!

You are responsible to keep your vessel clean, and pure without any blemish.

Spiritual leadership, and servant! You have to serve! If you are a leader; a Christian leader, you have to serve, as Christ did.

"If I, although your Lord, and teacher, washed your feet; you ought to do it for one another." Jean 13. This is Christ!

If anyone wants to be the leader in his house, you have to be giving, you have to provide, both nourish and cherish. You have to be wise, you have to be responsible.

Responsible, wise, provide, giving, with the five "S", and authoritative: The characters of the Christian leader.

 

For the word "submit", you will find fifteen, as in the Amplified Bible, fifteen descriptions, only describing what was meant by submission, which is for both. But if this is not giving to the man who is the leader, he could break easily... you don't respect as I mentioned. This is from the Amplified Bible.

 

I will go now fast, because ... we are going to finish soon.

 

Who makes the decisions in your family? Who is the Boss? I have never seen one good Christian family complaining about who is the leader, who is supposed to be the head, who is supposed to submit. I have never seen! If someone comes and tells me, "I have to be the head. What is meant by head?", I know, Christ is not seen in the family! Because He is the head!

In difficult situations, who makes the final decisions? Of course I am, because I am the man, I am the head! If this would be the ... I am telling you, the house will be destroyed! Both of them...

In very difficult situations, and important situations, like, say, moving from Chicago to Florida, the wife doesn't want, and the man wants, or vice-versa; this is a decision that cannot be taken in one day! You pray, you... on it, you pray and pray, then you go to your mentor, and discuss with your spiritual guide, your mentor in marriage, your father of confession, the one who is guiding you in your marriage, the one whom I call, "The Refuge"! Both of you must feel accountable to him, and he has not have to be a member of your family.

To be accountable! Whatever he is going to say, it will go!

So, you discuss with one another, about the decision. Everyone will get better information, and allows it in problem solving approach; now, there are two choices; I prefer number one, or number two, and he will start with the same information, give options, and he prefers number one, one or two will start to discuss without hurting one another, without ... one another, without putting down, without labeling, without comparing between families, because Christ is sitting with us on the table!

If you can't reach a resolution, we will get out of the situation, without making any decisions, but still are friends!

Any labels; You are stupid, you are foolish, you can't understand, you never understand! My mother doesn't do this and that, my cousin... all these destroy the relationship, and tell you what, the marital relationship is much more important than the decision! Always! Whatever the decision is!! Be careful about the marital resolution.

 

If you go, you can set another time, another place to return and make the discuss. This is not an urgent decision. Does moving out of Chicago such an urgent decision??

 

Or, "I am going to sell my business, and sell the house, get the money, and make a tour around the world, and then when you return, we will start again".

Of course, you don't agree, what do you do?

"Tomorrow, in the morning, (this was at night) I am going to sell my business", it is a decision I already made! I am not going to sell my business, sell my house, and everybody will stop, and I am the going for the trip...

Request a three day's prayer, just with... and maybe God will get in the situation, the head of the house, and show you.

 

Most probably, with prayers, postpone for three days, you know, what is at night, may not be in the morning, but you pray for it!

Situations need prayers, a mentor; a mentor to go to!

But all the smaller decisions, whoever make the decision, is not so important! Going to the movie, etc... it is  not so important. (Arabic). These are easy decisions; anyone can make them.

 

Children go to a Christian school, a Catholic school, or public school: It is a common discussion! Is it a major or a minor decision? Is it something fatal? Life-saving situation? If they go to Christian one year... do we leave our marriage because of that? And say one another "Remember, twenty years ago, my husband told me, you are stupid!" It will never be forgotten!

 

So, be aware: look at the decision, and look at the consequences of how to handle the decision.

Usually, in Christian families, both of them decide! Not only one. If one feels that he, or she has to be the decision taker, that is not Christianity.

Go to your God, put your marital (...) in His hand, or go to your refuge, discuss with him, and it could be sorted out.

 

Transcribed by jeanounou (November 2017)